INTRODUCTIONS

My values conflict with my eating habits - I want to be thin and in control, but I also want to be fit and healthy: I can't see a way to combine the two, as in my head, they are extremely opposite. 

Currently I feel in control of my disordered eating; I have managed to (mostly) disregard what I see in the mirror, and what I feel beneath my fingertips. The voice to starve is quiet, but I am still going to push myself in what I know to be an unhealthy diet-direction, in order to lose a small amount of weight.







I just want to see if I can do it.

I just want to see if I can succeed.

I just want someone to be proud of me.

I want to look like the little girl I feel like inside - just to see her once, and then to let her grow.






***PULL THE TRIGGER, TASTE THE GUN***



Ana calls, Ana creeps;
Into ear, seduction seeps:
"Count the bones - 1, 2, 3 -
You wish you were as thin as me."
"Thin as me."
"Thin as me."
"You wish you were as thin as me."


Pull the trigger, taste the gun;
Games with Ana are lots of fun:
"Count the hours - 1, 2, 3 -
Count with Ana, starve with me."
"Starve with me."
"Starve with me."
"Count with Ana, starve with me."




Love the empty, guilt the full;
Ana's love makes you beautiul. 
"Count the calories - 1, 2, 3 -
Thin as paper, float away with me."
"Away with me."
"Away with me."
"Thin as paper, float away with me."