I think I like my ED because it's something real. It's not me just wanting to be 'special' or different...My self-esteem is so low that I didn't think I was even worthy of fitting into an ED community, or that I was 'bad enough' to be considered to have a problem.
Because if I'm 'bad enough', then I need attention - and if I need attention, then I am a hindrance, and I'll get in the way.
It's funny: I want to be noticed, but at the same time, I make an effort to hide and be forgotten in the crowd.
I AM GOOD ENOUGH TO HAVE AN EATING DISORDER. It's a disgusting, idiotic thing to say, but it means much more than just those 9 words.
I have a problem; I'm allowed to have a problem. I don't have to think I'm a wannarexic, and hate myself for it - hate myself for being a bother; for not being 'good enough'.
This is so perverse - if anyone is reading, please try not to take this the wrong way (I would, if I was reading this). I just don't have the words to explain how I feel right now.
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